


What If

by maxtalkabout



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:00:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 19,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29863293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxtalkabout/pseuds/maxtalkabout
Summary: One little things has the power to change a person's entire life. What would have been different if people had known that Peter Pettigrew was James and Lily's secret keeper? And if Harry had been raised by his godfather instead of his Aunt and Uncle? Stick with me as I explore a few changes in who Harry would be and how his story would go.I will be using the fanfiction Casting Moonshadows by Moonsign as canon for the marauders past and there will be some major time jumps as I will not be going trough all of the events that happen in the books.As much as this characters and universe belong to her we do not support J. K. Rowling in this household nor her transphobia. This story is also an opportunity for me, as a trans individual, to reclaim this story and emphasise it's message of love, diversity, and acceptance away from the author's distorted vision of equality.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Neville Longbottom/Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 7





	1. 31st of October 1981 - part 1

_"For never was a story of more woe then this..." - William Shakespeare (Romeo & Juliet)_

Whether we call it Dia de Los Muertos, Samhain, All Hollows Eve, or Halloween, the 31st of October is known for the mysteries it contains. In some cultures, it's a sacred day of remembrance, while in others is a way to laugh at fear's expense, but the one thing that many beliefs carry in common is that Halloween is the night of the year in which the veil between the world of the dead and the world of the living is the thinnest.

To the muggle eye, Godric's Hollow was a peaceful homely village, inhabited by the loyal and courageous of heart and the events that were just about to unfold would pass by unnoticed. To the wizarding eye, however, the word peace would find it self far from though when describing any of their villages. Seeds of war had been planted all over the magical society and were sprouting grotesque poisonous flowers that reeked of death and sorrow. What the residents of Godric's Hollow could not yet see, was that that night would be followed by 13 years of sweet, yet illusory peace.

As the night of Halloween fell, a lonely figure in a black robe crept through the small looking cottages in the village with calm and posture, the man charmed open one of the cottage doors and walked in quietly. Upstairs, Lily Potter held her son in fear as if her own arms could protect him from the most powerful of magics. "Send Sirius, Remus, and Dumbledore a patrounus" James whispered "and go to Harry's room.". He stood next to her at their bedroom's door frame, but neither of them moved, "I should have known better," he looked at his wife and son apologetically "I'll kill that little rat.". They both knew that wasn't true, they knew this was the end, that James wouldn't live long enough to kill Peter or any other Death Eater, but they also knew that behind all his hate and underneath all the blood in his hands, Voldemort was an arrogant little brat, that he had come to face them alone, which allowed James to buy Lily time to protect Harry. "I love you" he said, but it was more then that and she understood. It meant "I'll see you soon", it meant "I'm sorry I didn't know", it meant "I wish I could have done more".

"I love you too" she responded, but she meant "It's okay.", "I don't blame you.", "You couldn't have known.", "You did enough.", and "I'll see you on the other side.".

James walked closer to the staircase, on the lower floor, he could a man in a black robe in whom he aimed a curse, but it was deflected with ease. The man turned around and a green flash of light flew his way, but missed. He went down a few steps and shoot another one, but there was no effect, he yet again ducked away from a flash of green light. Voldemort saw no point in the battle, he thought, in fact, that it was quite pathetic, like James was a just a little boy, fighting someone he knew he couldn't beat. 

From the outside, only flashes could be seen, from time to time, maybe someone could hear a exploding sound, but from the inside, it was possible to feel fear and anger in the air, being suffocated by the overwhelming amount of magic.

There was something about Voldemort's eyes, maybe it was how he perceived James as a child, that made him remember the day he and Lily had announced her pregnancy to some of their old school friends. James thought about Sybil, how she seemed so happy, but the second she touched Lily to congratulate her... she gasped, there was something in her expression, something James never saw directed at him before, but that his son would grow accustomed to, it was pity, Sybil left early that night, without saying a word, which Lily later pointed out to be unusual behaviour.

In that moment of understanding, the so called Dark Lord was able to aim a final spell at the father of his soon to be nemesis. James felt his body grow cold, he tried to fight it, but there was no point, his body no longer responded to his brain's commands. It was less then a second, but felt like a long time, he didn't see his life flash trough his eyes, as a matter of fact, he could even remember his own name, then, along with the warmth, his consciousness, too, was sucked out of his body.

Voldemort climbed up the stairs and looked around at the second floor doors for only a moment before realising that from underneath one of them there was flash of silvery-blue light and loud crying. He opened it slowly, left hand on the handle and right hand on his wand. "Move" he demanded, as he saw Lily standing between Harry, who sat desperately crying on his crib, and himself. Evil or not he owed one of his followers a favour, to let Lily Potter survive.

"Never" she growled.

And maybe because he hated owing people things and killing such useful pawn such as Severus Snape would be rather inconvenient at that particular moment, or because something about Lily's bravery made him wonder if his own mother would have stood between him and someone she knew she couldn't kill, but he said it again. "Move.".

"Never" she growled louder. Lily held Harry's hand behind her back, she felt all of her love for him and all of her magic merge into one, then she allowed it to take over all of her body. So when the green light filled up the room, the warmth within Lily wasn't sucked out liked James's had been, it escaped, from her heart into Harry's. She thought of herself a few minutes earlier, holding her son in her arms. "It's okay Harry," she had said "I will protect you until you can protect yourself, and even after that, I will always be here." she touched his chest with her open hand, "I swear it on my magic." her wand flickered. And just like her husband, she tried to fight the coldness creeping up inside her, but all she could manage was loud, high pitched "no".

Harry stopped crying, in the split second that took for life to leave his mother's body. He didn't understand what was happening, but even tho his mother was laying there, lifeless, and there was a strange man pointing his bone-like wand into Harry's forehead, he felt safe. Voldemort didn't seem to notice the unlikeliness of such behaviour, so he chanted, loud and clear, the words that were so familiar to his lips "Avada Kedavra". The room was once again taken over by a flash of green light, Harry felt his forehead burn slightly and where the man previously stood in front of him, there was now nothing. Harry felt something else wash over his body, it wasn't warm and safe and _home_ , like his mother's magic, it was more like getting smacked in the head and with that his heart sank with feelings too complex for his young brain to understand. 

And he started crying again, alone in his house with his parent's lifeless corpses, in the seemingly peaceful village of Godric's Hollow, during the night in which the veil between life and death was in it's thinnest, after watching man fall victim of his own spell, arrogance, and greed. Then and there, on the 31st of October 1981, being only a year old, Harry James Potter had become the boy who lived, with the parents who died.


	2. 31st of October 1981 - part 2

_"Staying alive is a skill and you are so talented girl." - Blythe Baird  
_

Harry had been crying for what it felt like hours, he grew colder as night fell deeper. There was no telling if anyone would ever find him, he kept weeping and no one came to hug him into comfort, he felt alone.

A loud thud caught Harry's attention from the outside of the cottage, he heard footsteps approaching quickly, a grown man, not much younger that his own father knelt beside his mother body sobbing. He tried to speak, but no words seemed to be formed properly, he held her torso in his arms and allowed his tears to fall into her clothes. The man was fairly pale and carried in the middle of his face a rather large and pointy nose, his hair was oddly straight and seemed to haven't been washed in a long time, he wore black robes and carried a large tattoo in his forearm. Harry had never seen such devastation on someone's face.

The man didn't seem to notice him, having the sound of his own crying overpower Harry's, but he screamed mid-cry in what seemed like a temper tantrum. Snape, the man, looked up in shock, he stood up and stumbled in his own feet as he took a step back, freezing himself against the bedroom wall, as if Harry was some sort of cursed object that could kill in close proximity. After a few seconds of processing, he left, running out as fast as he had ran in.

It took another few moments until the sound of a loud muggle engine and a blinding white light came trough Harry's window. A loud thud came from outside just as the charmed muggle engine landed on the street. "How dare you show up here?" a voice growled in a wolf like manner "This is your fault, you mutt," he spat "I'll kill you, I will!" but he wouldn't, the voice was scared and unsure even if extremely angry.

"It wasn't me!" a second voice yelled, the first voice asked for clarification in tone of confusion, uncertainty and relief. "I wasn't the secret keeper," the voice explained "it was Peter" the last part of the statement sounded rageful and disgusted. The first voice protested, it seemed unable to believe that planes had been change and he had not been informed. "Don't take it personally" the second voice gave a very dog-like bark "not even Dumbledore knew!"

After a few moments of uncertain silence the second voice screeched painfully like an injured animal and fell into hopeless tears. Harry noticed they were closer, no longer in the porch, but inside the house. "Harry!" the first voice stated, and the boy seemed to find it familiar, he had heard it before, both of them, even the name they had mentioned, Peter, it belonged to a man, one with a forearm tattoo, to his parents the name had meant friend. 

Two men walked into the room uncertain, the first voice belonged to taller one, he was fairly thin and his clothes were rather large to his body he slouched compared to the other, he seem older too, his face was scared, but he didn't look menacing. That was Remus, Harry thought, he was family. The other man was shorter, everything about him seemed perfect, his face symmetrical, his clothe clean and ironed, his posture flawless and even as he cried, from the lost of the man who was his brother trough everything, but blood, he looked confidant. That was Sirius, he was the man-dog, he was family too.

The shorter man walked up to the boy's crib and held him in a hug of comfort. Remus knelt beside Lily's body and closed her glassy eyes with his delicate bony fingers, he got up and walked towards Sirius and Harry, "You're going to be alright" he said, tracing the newly formed scar on the baby's forehead, "we got you" he smiled, his eyes filled with tears.

"We won't let go." Sirius finished.

They walked outside and made way towards a big black motorcycle, Sirius zipped Harry inside his jacket and was about to put on his helmet when a loud thud caught their attention from across the street. From afar they could see three silhouettes, from the left to the right there was man, who was big in every sense of the word, he about twice Remus's high, his hair and beard existed in a messy unity and he carried a pink umbrella way too small to protect even half of his head. The second man was much smaller, but still tall, he had long silvery hair and beard that framed his face perfectly, he wore lilac robes that were far from discreet. Lastly, there was a woman, she a few centimetres shorter then the man, but her pointy had made up for her lack of height, she was dressed in dark green velvet and had rather feline way to move as she approached them wand out.

"Hand Harry over" she said. Sirius had been in this end of Minerva's angry feline glare enough times not to wish it on anybody, in the back of his mind he wondered if he had done something wrong, even if he was certain he was doing nothing short of job as Harry's godfather. "I said: hand him over Mr. Black." Dumbledore and Hagrid accompanied her action, Sirius couldn't help to think it was rather strange having a pink umbrella pointed at his face. 

Minerva had always been very protective of children, maybe one the main factors that made her such an amazing teacher, but as she took a step closer to the boy Remus stood between them with a protective air, pointing his own wand at their former professor. "How do I know you are the real Minerva McGonagall?" he didn't wait for a response "The day of my career talk I told you that sometimes I wished I had never been allowed to go there, why?" the street was silent, if one paid enough attention, they could maybe hear the clinging of silverware in the muggle residences around "Why?" he asked again.

"You said:" she started " _If you grow up thinking you're an animal, it doesn't hurt as much to be treated like one._ " Remus put down his wand, but stood protective of Sirius.

"It wasn't him," he stated "they changed the secret keeper and decided not to tell anyone." a part of Remus was satisfied to see it was true, that, in fact, not even Dumbledore knew. They looked at him untrusting.

"I swear it on my magic." a red spark came from Sirius wand in the pocket of his robe "That I didn't betray James and Lily and that Peter Pettigrew was their Secret keeper.".

"Well then," Dumbledore's voice hadn't change from the boys' first year at school, he sounded, and looked, just as fascinating as he had all those years ago "we must inform the Ministry."

"There's no point," all eyes turned to Sirius in surprise, Remus took a step back as he no longer needed to protect him "they'll never find him.". Only one other person there understood what he meant, "You can trust that the existence of anyone who wants that traitor dead more then I do is very unlikely, but there were only ever three people who could find Peter when he didn't want to be found and one of them died tonight."

"Why ya lads don' go fetch the b'stard then?" Hagrid asked. Remus, to Sirius surprise, seemed to have the same question lingering in his mind.

"It is more important to protect the living then to avenge the dead," he looked at tawny haired man with compassion "you taught me that!" Harry had asleep in the warmth of his godfather's jacket, he was exhausted from all the crying and all the magic that had ran trough his body that night.

"It's not the same." Remus wondered where Sirius Gryffindor recklessness had gone, he knew going after Peter was far from his best idea, but the thought of his friends death passing by unavenged was more then he could handle, "Rebecca wasn't family!". When the marauders were younger Hogwarts had been attacked by Death Eater, causing the passing of many students, amongst them there was Rebecca, a girl who had been in love with Sirius and that he had felt guilty for not being able to love back. After that night he became so obsessed with finding the person who killed her and get revenge that he had began to neglect his friends.

"You're right." he looked Remus deeply in the eyes "but Harry is!" the silence in the village was crippling, a thought blew trough Sirius head with the wind, his brother's dead body was only a few meters behind him, but it didn't feel real, like he was reading someone else's story. "Look" he touched Remus shoulder in a way that only the two of them could understand as non platonic "he is coward, he won't go around murdering people, specially with Voldemort gone, he'll go into hiding. Which means Harry is safe and right now, that's all that matters.". No one could argue, so there was silence for a few more minutes. Sirius decided to leave, but was stopped by Dumbledore's voice.

"I'm afraid the boy must come with us." Harry's godfathers looked at him uncertain "When Lily Potter died she cast a powerful spell, one that will protect Harry from dark magic until he turns 17 years old." he took a breath before proceeding "she came to see me about it not long ago, as last resource.".

"I don't understand what that has to do with anything." Remus stated protectively.

" _Heir Officium_!" the words shook Remus mind awake, he remembered the spell Orion Black had cast on his son to prevent him from running away "She asked me about it too, spells that bind families, Lily's magic will only work if Harry spends at least one month of each year living with people who are his family by blood.". 

"You don't have to take him now." Remus negotiated, but Dumbledore made a important remark about how the Gimmauld Place wasn't suited for a baby yet and the Dursley's home in Privet Drive was, as they had young child of their own, so Hagrid took sleeping Harry from a reluctant Sirius.

When they arrived home, the dinner table was served for one, with a half eaten porridge and a empty bottle of butterbeer. Sirius had been siting there alone that night, waiting for Remus to return from one of his many secret missions. Standing there now, he felt stupid for the thought that the man he loved so profoundly would ever betray him like Peter had.

They both spend the night in silence cleaning up the house, using every excuse they could to not climb into bed and cry for the family that had lost, but as the morning sun rose in the sky and they were both sitting exhausted in the living room couch Remus and Sirius fell into each other's arms and allowed all of pain to leak through their eyes.


	3. 30th of November 1981

_"This world is merciless, and it's also very beautiful." – Mikasa Ackerman  
_

They sat in Dumbledore's office for what if felt like hours and Sirius couldn't help, but remember how he had found himself in that position many times when he was younger, he felt as if he had done something wrong, which, in way, was true, as he and Remus were about to reveal Peter animagus identity.

The door closed slowly as Dumbledore and McGonagall walked passed them in a synchronised pace. They stood in front of the two men in the same way they had many times before, "I fear I might have wasted you time gentleman," Dumbledore stated "for Peter Pettigrew is dead.". They must have looked fairly confused, because the headmaster explained. "Perhaps someone else was filled with rage by Pettigrew's betrayal and decided to go look for him.".

"That's impossible." Lily and James were loved by many, but the only two people who would break the law for them were sitting in that room and had done no such thing this time. "How did he die?" Remus tried to make sense of the news.

"I'm afraid we don't know Mr. Lupin," McGonagall looked uneasy "all they found was Mr. Pettigrew's finger, it must have been rather gruesome.". All heads turned when Sirius began to laugh hysterically, he was aware that the situation wasn't, in fact, that funny, but his reaction had been a escape valve for the overwhelming feelings that had taken over him in the past month; he was uncertain about his decision of not going after Peter, nervous about picking up Harry that afternoon and he hadn't laughed in a very long time because his life had been filled with profound darkness and unendurable pain. He felt himself lose control of his body as tears ran down his face, that was the most he had ever resembled his cousin Bellatrix and the sight frightened Lupin to his core.

He looked at Remus expecting the he would have understood the humour in the circumstance, but as he showed no signs of a smile, in fact, he looked rather concerned, Sirius realised that he didn't and calmed himself with a sigh. "They found his finger," he laughed "with no body" he looked at McGonagall "and I bet no witnesses nor suspects?!" his reaction seemed more tamed, but Remus smiled as he comprehended what his boyfriend meant.

"He's not dead." the werewolf explained, "He wants the Minister to get off his tail." the choice of words was a nod to one of the many secrets that the boys shared and it brought warmth to the Sirius's grim heart, giving him a sense of home. "Which means you're right, he's going into hiding." Remus's look conveyed more then his words had expressed, he was relieved, he didn't need to tell Dumbledore about his own betrayal, how his friends had made used of highly illegal magic and allowed Moony run free in the Forbidden Forest on full moon nights behind the headmaster's back, how they had abused his trust, even if it had been with good intentions and his own best interest in mind.

Sirius no longer laughed, his friends had always been amazed with how he could go from humours to serious like a lumos-nox charm, he knew how much keeping that secret meant to Remus, he felt an urge to reach for his boyfriend's hand rising in his chest, but McGonagall's presence made him hold back. "Can we go now?" he asked, thinking of his godson his Petunia's hateful arms.

"If you are so certain that Mr. Pettigrew is still alive, don't you think it is of vital importance that you inform us how to find him?" Dumbledore asked calmly.

"I'm sorry professor," Remus responded "but I'm afraid that's a secret we need to keep for now." McGonagall meant to speak, but the headmaster had already allowed them to go.

**\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Dudly was big for his age, he was sitting on his highchair happily with soup covering most his chubby body. Harry sat across the table with his empty plate and chewed on his plastic spoon. "Hawe hung'y" he cried "Hawe want food", but his voice was muffled by his uncle loud television.

Petunia hated her sister, but it had taken her a surprising amount of effort not cry at Lily's death, her first instinct was not to house the boy, even if it was only a month a year, but she realised that she didn't have to do it for her rotten kin, or even for the aberration she had called a child, but to protect her own family from the terror that spells and potions had impose on her blood.

The family showed great signs of relief when the doorbell rang that afternoon, Ms. Dursley picked up her nephew and took him to the entrance, where she saw two men standing unsure. The one on Petunia's right was tall and lanky, he had tawny hair and four scars across his face; the one on her left seemed more elegant, something about him made her think of the word "aristocratic", he had a long black hair that she found outrageous, they both wore clothes that she had told her sister were "weird man dresses". The woman shoved Harry on Sirius's arms and slammed the door on their faces without a word. "Get out of my porch!" she spat a few moments later, as she looked at them from the window in her living room.

"She's dreadful," Sirius said in shook "I always assumed Prongs was exaggerating, but I reckon she is almost as bad as Kretcher!" Remus rolled his eyes as they walked towards Moonshadow "Harry looks thinner, do you think they were starving him?" the boy was no longer crying, the familiar arms already gave him comfort.

"Come on Pads, is not that bad." Remus tried to reason, "I bet she just has her hands full with her own son, besides, who, in their right mind, would anything bad to such an adorable baby?" he reached over and passed his hands trough Harry's soft messy hair.

"You're too kind for your own good Moony" he responded "and I never implied she was in her right mind." Remus took a deep breath to respond, but Harry pulled Sirius's hair in an attempt to get attention. "What is it lad?" he smiled.

" Hung'y," the baby said, his big green eyes watered as an indication that he was going to cry "Hawe hung'y!".

"We're going to get you some then, alright?!" Sirius was still smiling, but the baby didn't show any signs of calming down and started to cry instead. "I told you!" he whispered to Remus, who didn't seemed to have any intention to argue. 

Sirius started the motorcycle as loudly as he could attempting to bother all the muggle residents in the area and drove off until the cloaking spell had made full effect, so he could take the three them off the ground and he noticed that Harry had fallen asleep inside his jacket as Mooshadow flew them home.


	4. 11th - 12th of December 1981

_"You see mum, each night insomnia sweeps me up in it's arms and dips me in the small glow of the stove light, insomnia has this romantic way of making the moon feel like perfect company." - Sabrina Benaim, Explaining My Depression To My Mother: A Conversation_

Sirius had grown to like his new habit of brewing Moony's wolfsbane potion himself, firmly refusing to buy it or allowing anyone to make for him, even if he had been busy with Harry or anything else. His stubbornness had become unable to surprise anyone, especially Remus, who, in spite of his exhausted attempts of making Sirius give the job to someone else, had to admit the potion still looked perfect. He knew his boyfriend was talented at many things and this was certainly one of them.

"Moony has been a bit restless since Harry came to live with us," Remus stated as he took of his jumper and put it in the wardrobe in the basement "maybe you should take him to see me in the morning, when the barrier between me and the wolf is thinner--".

"So Moony can see that he's part of the pack too!" Sirius completed. He helped his boyfriend out of his shirt, trousers and underwear, he noticed how much the scars had faded since he had first seen them as he traced them with his index finger, but they would never be gone and he knew it pained Remus profoundly. Once everything was ready for the moon rise they hugged each other tightly, it was the first time in many years that they wouldn't be together for that painful night, Sirius planted a delicate kiss on Remus's lips and let their forehead touch softly before he left.

The baby room in the Gimmauld Place wasn't nearly as bright and cosy as it had been in Godric's Hollow, it was much darker and colder, the whole house felt like a dungeon, but the new family that lived there had put in their best efforts to make it feel like home. By the time the moon rose Harry had already fallen asleep in his white and golden crib, that had been transfigured from one of Orion Black's old office chairs after Kretcher was told to get rid of any curses that could have been in it. But he woke up with the screams and growls of the transformation, or that was what his godfather had suspected. 

The boy hadn't slept a full night since his parents died, he always woke up at least twice, sobbing and talking about a scary man and a snake tattoo, he didn't sleep properly either, he was always sweating and whining. He also despised anything green and for Sirius amusement, had set fire to a green sleepwear Remus had tried to put him in purely to annoy his boyfriend. They knew he would grow out if, after all it was just a colour, but at time it was a reminder of the scariest he had ever felt. His naps throughout the day were much more peaceful, maybe because he wasn't sleeping profoundly enough to have a nightmare.

Sirius picked Harry up from his crib and took him to his room, where he walked around humming lullabies. Once the growls stopped, he put his godson down on his matres laying beside him, "Many years ago," he started "before wizards and muggles dived their worlds, there was a boy name Jack", it was a story about giants and magical beans, Remus had adapted it from a muggle book for children and Harry seemed to love it, even tho that night he had fallen asleep only a few sentences into Jack epic adventure.

**\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Madam Pomfrey had maintained her habit of checking on Remus even after he had graduated from school, so it was only after she left that Sirius came in with Harry in his arms. The werewolf sat in his bed dressed in oversized clothes and healing potion "Pads?" Moony seemed confused by the small number of people in the room "P'ongs? Wo'mtail?" he asked, without noticed the little boy's presence.

"There is no Prongs and Wormtail anymore remember?" Sirius reached up to move Remus's tawny hair from his face, but the werewolf shook his head in an effort to put all his memories back into place and his eyes grew wide as he recollected the events of his previous moon, when Sirius had told him that James and Lily died and that Peter's hands were stained with their blood, that the word pack had meant more to Padfoot and Prongs that it had to him. He had also explained to him that Remus was not blame for anything, that he wasn't the reason or cause of Wormtail's treason.

"Wo'mtail no pack--" he said angrily, but was interrupted by the sight of Harry's hands playing with Sirius's long hair, he leaned over in a very canine gesture to smell the boy, who laughed as Moony's breath tickled his neck "Pack," Remus gave a rather surprised smile at the baby, "P'ongs cub" he looked up at Sirius in wonder.

"He is _our_ cub now Moony." he took Remus's hand and led it to Harry's messy head. The werewolf looked uncertain, before he reached out to the night stand next to him, on top of it rested a stuffed yellowy-grey wolf, which he picked up and gave to Harry with a kind expression. The toy was old and worn out, it had been in the end of many repairing charms, but neither Moony nor Harry seem to care, the toy made them both smile widely.

"P'ongs give Moony," he said and Sirius noticed that his tone was almost like pity, but it was more respectful then that, it was sympathy and understanding "now Moony give cub!".

They were all, for the first time in past 42 days, truly happy. Harry didn't know what the gift meant yet, he was too young too understand that his father had given it to his best friend to provide him comfort, but he still wiggled his new toy in Sirius face in excitement, he tried to thank Remus by petting him in the head, but ended up with his chubby and clumsy fingers caught in his hair.

It didn't take long for Remus and Harry to fall asleep, tired from laughing and playing with the wolf toy. At that moment, with the three of them, resting side by side, he fell little more in love with his new family. "See mum, see dad," he thought to himself "I made it and I didn't need you!" he smiled "We might not be a traditional pure blood family, but I'm happier then I have ever been with you and if your goal was not to make us happy, then what were you living and fighting for?".


	5. 1st of September 1984

_"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?" - Author Ernest J. Gaines_

Harry couldn't go anywhere in the wizarding world until he had received his Hogwarts letter, places like the Hogsmeade village, or the Diagon Ally were far from his reach. However, being raised by Remus and Sirius, he knew a lot about them. He had learnt about famous sorcerers, magical creatures and all the beauty from his world, but he had also learnt about it's darkness, it's prejudices and the so called "pure" bloodlines. 

Even in a young age, he was amazed at how two worlds could be so different and so similar at the same time. Muggles discriminated against people for the colour of their skin and wizards for the blood in their veins. Maybe, he wondered, hate, fear and judgement weren't muggle or wizard things, they were human things. And because of them he had also been taught, from the moment he stepped foot outside for the first time, how to keep a secret.

"Are you exited for your fist day of school, cub?" Remus said while dressing him in the uniform that Sirius had gotten made for him, they fitted the boy perfectly, not one centimetre too big or too small. It was very different from the clothes Remus had worn to school, there were no long robes or pullovers, but it was also very similar, with trousers, white button ups and neckties, he thought it looked very sweet in the little boy.

"What if I forget the secret?" he asked as he played with his stuffed wolf. 

"You are not going to forget it Harry." Sirius stood by the door frame admiring the scene with a smile.

"Papa," the boy ran, jumping in his arms "renny help me, d'you like it?".

He nodded with a smile, holding Harry tightly. "You'll be alright lad. Just don't talk about Moony." Sirius tried to pretend that asking Harry to lie to his classmates about his home life didn't hurt him, but his boyfriend could see the ache trough the way his eyes flickered and trough the shaky undertone in his voice .

"But he's my ren," the boy whined "why can't I tell people he's family?" Remus waved them over to where he was sitting on the floor and they joined him, he picked Harry up, turning the kid to face him. Whenever Remus and Sirius had told him that no one could know about about magic and their relationship the marauders hoped he wouldn't ask why and until that day, he hadn't.

"A lot of people," Remus started "both muggles and wizards," he added, hopelessly trying to fix the kid's hair "believe that boys can only love girls and girls can only love boys," Harry looked uncertain "so they say that people who don't fit that idea don't deserve to have a family.".

"But why matters for them who you love?" the boy looked genuinely confused. "Why they care?".

"Because people are often afraid of what they don't understand and what they perceive as different." Remus patted Harry's head in a hopeless attempt to flatten his hair, in that moment he remembered James and thought about how much easier the boy's life would be if his father was there. Something flashed through Remus chest, he felt guilty for how much he loved that family, as if he had stolen something from his friend, but he tried to talk himself out of it, by thinking that this is what James and Lily would have wanted, for Harry to be raised by people who loved him as much as they would have.

**\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

When they went down for breakfast that morning Harry was uneasy from their conversation, he ate very angry, and rather adorable, expression. He was so occupied with his thoughts about the injustice his family was submitted to that, at one point, he knocked his glass over leaving Kretcher soaking in his pumpkin juice. Much for Sirius' frustration, the elf cleaned himself quickly, but the incident left everyone in a better mood, laughing at the creature's rageful expression.

On the way to the school, Sirius admired muggle London, he was always amazed by how the magical society slipped through the cracks and made an appearance in the most unlikely places, he liked to see the contrast of the modern muggle buildings next to the much more ancient wizard ones. Ever so often Harry would point out - quietly, so the taxi driver wouldn't hear it - a muggle reacting to the hidden magic, having goosebumps or looking twice at wall, certain they had seen someone walk trough it.

Around Harry's school there were no glimpses of magic, it would require a long walk trough a purely muggle London for any wizard to reach the boy, which gave his guardians a great, and maybe false, sense of security. When they walked into the building Harry griped Sirius' hand tightly, his backpack hang a little lower then it was supposed to, but he would grow into it.

Sirius trembled as a kid ran onto his leg, "I'm sorry" a woman said when he turned around to see the child, she was tall and had really long brown hair, her skin was almost as white as Sirius' and her clothes semi formal "I'm Cassie Rennie, this is my daughter Ollie" the little girl smiled wide and waved exited at Harry.

"I'm Sirius Black." He shook the woman's hand politely and gave his godson a little nodge.

"I'm Harry," he stuttered shyly "Harry Potter." Ollie took the boy's arm and pulled him towards a playground a few meters away, "Bye papa" he said, sounding much happier with his new found friend.

The woman looked at Sirius with a very familiar expression, the kind that waned to ask something she knew was not appropriate, "He's my godson," he beat her to it "I raised him". Maybe anyone would've understood what he meant, or may it was Cassie personal story that allowed her to read between the lines, to know that Harry's parents weren't around and she shouldn't ask about it and they were family and no one should ever question that.

"Well," she said after a long awkward silence "I have to get going, I have work". Sirius nodded, thinking about all the nothing he had to do at home. They both went out the door, Cassie got into her car and drove away while Sirius walked, once he got far enough from the school and the only person in sight was an old lady feeding pigeons he apparated home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I didn't want Harry to refer to Remus nor Sirius as his fathers or dads because I think they would have preserved that title to belong to James, but they still are his paternal figures.  
> Ren or renny is the gender neutral term for paRENt, it also goes well with Remus!


	6. 31st of May 1990

_"...his life was dominating by conflicting ideas, as often happens in periods of transition. The turbulence of the times makes some people feel a need to bestir themselves..." - Italo Calvino (Baron in the Trees)_

Harry was 6 years old the first time he asked Remus and Sirius about what had happened to his parents, but it was only when he was 9 that his godfathers gave him the complete answer, when they told him why Voldemort had gone to Godric's Hollow that night. They feared the boy would blame himself, they feared all the pain the truth could cause, but Harry didn't cried, or screamed, or even flinched. Once the conversation was over, he simply got up from his sit in the dinning table and walked to his room, in silence. After that night no one dared to mention the subject, even Kreacher, who never failed to mention what a blood traitor James Potter was whenever he saw Harry, seemed unwilling to poke that wound. 

Sometimes, during the night, a restless Harry sat in the living room floor, he would fix his eyes in the engravings in the fireplace and let his mind drift back to night of Voldemort's attack, trying to remember his parents, even if it was just a flash, even if it was just their lifeless bodies, but all he could see was a man in a black robe. He was pale, his features angular, his hair black and sometimes, when Harry looked at him closely, deep into the man's hypnotic brown eyes, he felt as if he was looking in a mirror, seeing his own reflection, but it couldn't be, because that - the boy knew - was Voldemort himself.

**\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Over the years, and the other residents of the Gimmauld Place couldn't pinpoint when it started, Harry's room started to lose the traces of his birth parents. His walls were decorated with quidditch posters and photographs of his godfathers and his muggle friends, the only one left of Lily and James found itself in Harry's nightstand, it showed the couple dancing in front of a fountain during the English winter. To unknowing eyes it was easy to believe that Remus and Sirius were, in fact, the only family the boy had ever had.

The rest of the house, however, loved to remember Harry of the parents he lost. It wasn't ill intended, whenever he caught a glimpse of a picture in a unwanted time he would try to remind himself that they were Remus and Sirius' family too. But here were days that he would catch himself examining a picture cautiously, he would often smile at the sight of his parents so joyful and alive, but there was more to his close analysis of the photos. 

He had notice, more then once, a disembodied hand hanging in the side of a picture, as if it's owner had been cut off or hidden by the frame, in other cases there were oddly placed gaps. On the mantle, for example, there was a picture of James, Sirius and Remus during their school years, James waved at someone in the distance that Harry assumed to be his mother and received a friendly poke in his rib cage from his adoptive brother, calling him to smile at the camera, Remus right hand hid itself behind his boyfriend and his left arm hang unsupported in the air, as if it was pulling someone's shoulder towards him, he smiled at the air next to him before rolling his eyes to Sirius' flirtatious wink and smiling shyly.

Harry sat quietly at the table eating his breakfast that morning, wondering about the missing person in all those pictures and missing the parents he never got to have, he must have been frowning, because Remus touched his arm softly. "I know you don't like them cub," Harry looked up, trying to understand what he meant "but it is for your own safety". Hell Month, he realised, June was the month he spent with his muggle relatives, he was leaving the next day, he felt his stomach clench.

Harry thought about his mother, _"how could the courageous, kind and intelligent woman they had described her as share blood with such a dreadful creature like his aunt Petunia?"_ he wondered. The thought made his heart feel heavy, "Is not that" he responded.

"Then what is it?" Remus asked.

"I just miss them," he whispered "my parents, I mean..." he poked his eggs with the fork "Sometimes I wonder what things would be like if they were still here". 

And he did, it was this cruel little game Harry played with himself, there was only one rule and it was fairly simple, he had to choose between the life he had with Remus and Sirius or being raised by his parents, with occasional weekends with his godfathers. Sometimes he would pick his parents, which made feel guilty and ungrateful for turning his back on the men who raised him, when he chose different he felt that he was betraying the people who gave him life, who sacrificed themselves for him. He would never tell anyone about it.

"I know kid" for everyone's surprise, it was Sirius who spoke, he was usually quiet when the subject was the death of his late friends "but your parents were heroes." He had heard that many, it was something both of his guardians said a lot, it really bothered him, but over time he learned that they didn't say it for him, they said it for themselves, so Harry brushed it off. 

He didn't exactly know what was different that day, maybe it was _because_ he had heard it so many times or perhaps it was the anxiety of going to the his relatives' house, but before he could think it trough, Harry had gotten up and slammed his hands on the table, knocking his chair over. "I don't care" he shouted, catching everyone by surprise, he always had a clever come back, but he hardly ever raised his voice "I didn't want them to be heroes" his voiced cracked and his eyes went red as he tried not to cry, he wanted to sound angry and strong, not sad and helpless "I wanted them to be my parents." He whipped the rebellious tears away from his face and looked down at his feet, Remus tried to reach for his hand, but he pulled away "I'm sorry." He put the chair back in it's place and waled up to his bedroom.

**\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"How many times have you reed that book?" Remus walked in and sat next to Harry in his bad.

"Four" he responded, closing the book on his lap, the hardcover showed a boy reading a book laying down on the top of a tree and it reed _"_ _Italo Calvino -_ _Baron in the Trees"._ It was a muggle book he had begged Remus and Sirius to buy him when he was eight.

"Why do you like it so much?" his godfather asked.

"Cosimo decides to climb up a tree and live in the treetops for the rest of his life," he smiled "I get it... wanting to leave the world you were born into, wanting to change a decision you never made, wanting to go somewhere... some world where things are fair!" Harry put the book on his night stand next to picture of his parents.

"I wish I had a book like this when I was a kid" he smiled back.

"You can have this one now." Harry pointed at it.

"I know, but is not the same." the boy didn't understand "It will always be more yours then it is mine." Suddenly, he realised they weren't talking about the book anymore, they were talking about his parents.

"Is not fair," Sirius showed up in the door frame "that we got so much time with them and you got so little." He then realised something else, they would never blame him for choosing his parents in his little games, because they loved him, _really_ loved him and that's what love is, to want someone to be happy, even if it isn't with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Baron in the Trees by Italo Calvino is a real book. It tells the story of a boy named Cosimo who decides to go live in the trees, because he is tired of how the world works. It was written in 1957. I definitely recommend it.


	7. 20th of July 1991 - part 1

_"Every adventure requires a first step." – Alice, Alice In Wonderland_

Harry woke up that morning unaware of what awaited him. He got up early and, like every morning, he stumbled down the stairs still on his sleepwear and sat for breakfast. Remus was already there, dressed in black trousers, brown jumper and blue robe, his reading glasses fell on the tip of his nose as he flipped trough the pages of _Giovanni's Room,_ they smiled a tender good morning to each other. The smell of coffee took over the kitchen, Harry filled his glass with pumpkin juice and picked at his sleeves while waiting for Kretcher to bring him his toast, which didn't take long.

"Merlin's balls Moony, how can you read this early in the morning?" Sirius showed up at the door frame just as Harry started to chew down his breakfast, he sat across from Remus and pulled the book towards himself, looking at the static picture in the cover "Moons" he smiled "you and your muggle literature obsession".

Before anyone answered a very angry Kretcher walked into the dinning room with a big grey owl on his head "The mail, master" he spat, putting a pile of letters and the Daily Prophet on the table, and walking out trying to get the owl to stop picking at his ear.. Remus reached out for the Prophet and Harry took the letters.

"To papa, from Andy" he said, sliding the envelope to Sirius who opened it without a thought "to renny, from grandpa Neil and from the Ministry" Remus nodded with a smile, picking up the two letters and trying to figure out which to open first. The room grew silent for a few seconds and both adults looked at Harry curiously. The boy held a letter in his shaking hands, his index finger touched the stamp - as if to check that it was real - and pulled it open. "M _r. Harry Potter_ " he reed " _Second room to the left, 12 Grimmauld Place, London._ "he smiled wide " _Dear Mr. Potter, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry._ " He looked up in excitement " _Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. Term begins on September 1. We await you owl by no later then July 31st._ " Harry got up, unable to hold himself still, he walked up and down the kitchen a couple of times rereading the letter in his hands. The boy then stopped by his chair and sat back down "D'you reckon we can go buy stuff today?" Remus and Sirius exchanged joyful glance and the boy looked hopeful, they both nodded. 

Harry devoured his breakfast in a ferocious way that reminded Sirius of the intensity Moony displayed when they ran wildly trough the Forbidden Forest, the boy only ate that way when he came back from his relatives' house, like the food would slip away from him if he didn't eat fast enough, it would have been sad if the behaviour hadn't been triggered by excitement. 

Sirius read the letter in his hand while slowly sipping the iced coffee, a muggle invention he had grown to love. "Look," he smiled, sliding a picture across the table for Remus to see, "Andy say Tonks just passed her apparition test". The picture showed a 17 year old girl whose hair went from emo-purple to embarrassment-red next to a, slightly taller, black haired woman, Andromeda smiled proudly at her daughter, who looked everywhere, but the camera and mouthed _"that's enough mum"._ Remus laughed a gave the picture to Harry, who payed it no attention. "What you've got?" Sirius asked, pointed at his boyfriend's letters.

"Well, grandpa sends hi to everyone," Remus said waving one of the letters, Harry smiled and nodded with his mouth full "and the ministry says my dad is getting out of Azkaban tomorrow, which is not my problem," he threw the letter up and it burned midair "so nothing as exiting as Harry's news.". He picked up the Hogwarts envelop to look at the second parchment "well, you are never going to believe who he got for DADA professor in his first year", Sirius looked up from his coffee, curious "Quirinus Quirrell." Harry seemed interested too, but the name meant nothing to him "He was in our year... a Ravenclaw if I recall correctly. Nice bloke, not the bravest tho, didn't do much fighting during the war.".

The conversation circled around the marauders' time at Hogwarts for the rest of breakfast, to which Harry payed little to no attention, but Remus and Sirius seemed to enjoy remembering the old days. After they were done, they put on their best muggle clothes and headed to the Leaky Cauldron, the muggle entry of the Diagon Ally. It was Harry's choice, they would have use the floo network, but he didn't like the way the way he would accidentally inhale floo powder and it would leave a burning sensation inside of his nose.

Arriving in the restaurant they met Harry's soon to be professor, he was anxious and shaking, he wore a purple turban in his head, the man struck Harry as a bit odd, but he was to excited to worry about it. After they said goodbye Sirius and Remus were not shy with the comment on how much and yet how little he had changed since they last saw him at Lily and James' wedding. 

As they walked pass, the unknowing eye would see just Sirius Black with his godson Harry Potter and his best childhood friend Remus Lupin going to buy some school supplies, but the truth was, they were family, a very unconventional one for the wizarding standard, but a family and they walked into the Diagon Ally, getting ready for the adventures they didn't yet know awaited them. Sirius Black - illegal animagus, gay and head of the most Noble and Ancient House of Black - Remus Lupin - half-blood bisexual and the first werewolf to attend Hogwarts - and Harry Potter - the one and only boy who lived.


	8. 20th of July 1991 - part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Everything written in bold was taken directly from the moment Harry and Draco meet in the the first book.

_"Nothing can suppress a human's curiosity." – Eren Jaeger_

Harry had bought most of his supplies when he started to get hungry, so Remus and Sirius went to get him something to eat while he got fitted for robes at Madam Malkin's. **In the back of the shop,** he saw **a boy with a pale, pointed face** who **was standing on** **a footstool while a second witch pinned up his long black robes. Madam** **Malkin stood Harry on a stool next to him, slipped a long robe over his** **head, and began to pin it to the right length.**

**"Hello," said the boy, "Hogwarts, too?"**

**"Yes," said Harry,** there was something rather familiar about that boy, the shade of grey in his eyes and the angle of his features reminded him of the photos and portraits of Sirius' family. That boy had Black blood and knowing the past, he was set on not liking him. 

**"My father's next door buying my books and mother's up the street** **looking at wands," said the boy.** He looked at Harry intrigued, his clothes, even muggle, showed some kind of class and dignity, but his posture and hair seemed wild, untamed. The boy had learned to looked down anyone who was less then an aristocratic pureblood, but he couldn't stop looking, a part of him even wanted to smile, not the sarcastic grin passed on to him by his father, a genuine, happy smile, but he didn't, instead he said **. "Then** **I'm going to drag them off to look at racing brooms. I don't see why** **first years can't have their own. I think I'll bully father into getting** **me one and I'll smuggle it in somehow."** **Harry was strongly reminded of Dudley** and in spite of thathe couldn't bring himself to hate the boy quite yet. There was something about his eyes, something he had seen on Sirius, hiding behind the cold grey iris and smirky attitude. He wanted to hate him, but he felt sympathy instead.

**"Have you got your own broom?" the boy went on.**

"Yes" **said Harry.**

**"Play Quidditch?"**

"Yes" **Harry said again,** too unsure to say anything else. 

**"** So do I **\-- Father says it's a crime if I'm not picked to play for my** **house, and I must say, I agree. Know what house you'll be in yet?"**

 **"No," said Harry, feeling more** unsure **by the minute.**

 **"Well, no one really knows until they get there, do they, but I know** **I'll be in Slytherin, all our family have been -- imagine being in** **Hufflepuff, I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?"** Harry said nothing **"I say, look at that man!" said the boy suddenly, nodding toward the** **front window. Hagrid was standing there,** he smiled and waved at Harry, they had met a few times over Christmas, he was one of the only wizards he had seen apart from his fathers.

**"That's Hagrid," said Harry, pleased to know something the boy didn't.** **"He works at Hogwarts."**

**"Oh," said the boy, "I've heard of him. He's a sort of servant, isn't** **he?"**

**"He's the gamekeeper," said Harry. He was liking the boy less and less** **every second.**

**"Yes, exactly. I heard he's a sort of savage, lives in a hut on the** **school grounds and every now and then he gets drunk, tries to do magic,** **and ends up setting fire to his bed."**

**"I think he's brilliant," said Harry coldly.**

**"Do you?" said the boy, with a slight sneer.** Harry didn't respond, so he changed the subject **"Where** **are your parents?"**

 **"They're dead," said Harry shortly. He didn't feel much like going into the matter with this boy** and he definitely knew not to mention his gay fathers.

 **"Oh... sorry," he said.** His eyes were guilty and apologetic and Harry disliked him a little less. **"But they were our kind, weren't they?"** the boy asked, the emotions disappeared from his face in an instant.

 **"They were a witch and wizard, if that's what you mean."** Harry rolled his eyes, he wanted to say his mother was born muggle, just to see the boy's reaction, but refrained from doing so. 

**"I really don't think they should let the other sort in, do you? They're** **just not the same, they've never been brought up to know our ways. Some** **of them have never even heard of Hogwarts until they get the letter,** **imagine. I think they should keep it in the old wizarding families.** **What's your** name **, anyway?"**

 **Before Harry could answer, Madam Malkin** came back, **"That's you done, my** **dear," and he** **hopped down from the footstool.**

"Potter" he answered with an ironic smile "Harry Potter", part of him wanted the boy to feel stupid for not noticing, but mostly, he wanted to introduce himself, he wanted to tell him who he was.

 **"Well... I'll see you at Hogwarts, I suppose,"** the boy said, with a fake smile. He felt his gut sink as he watched Harry leave and he stood there alone.

Harry payed for his robes and meet with Remus and Sirius out side, they gave him an ice cream cone and showed him a tawny "Early birthday gift" said Padfoot, liking his cone with a very canine gesture. Harry thanked them, for the ice cream and the owl and proceeded to tell them about the boy in the store. "A Black with blond hair?" Sirius laughed "that's got to be Narcissa's son, the little Malfoy" the name didn't sound to weird, he had definitely heard it before, but he decided not to give it much thought and enjoy the rest of his day out. 

The last thing they needed to buy was Harry's wand, so they went to Olivander's, after that he was taken to the marauders favourite shop, Zonkos, where Sirius and Remus bought him a series of prank items and told him to "use it well" and "don't get caught". The last stop of the day was Honeydukes, where they got a large variety of chocolates and sweets. From the that day on, Harry wished that his life was always like that, filled with beautiful magic, but soon enough he would learn that darkness was always near, watching him, from right around the corner.


	9. 31st of July 1991

_"They want to know what became of the heart they gave. Because the fighting isn't over yet." –Erwin Smith_

Harry had asked Remus and Sirius for something different that year for his birthday. His family was reluctant, he had asked to have a goodbye dinner with his muggle friends and Sirius wasn't too excited to take care of five 12 year old children without magic, but there was nothing he wouldn't do for his godson. 

The morning of his birthday Harry sat in his bed, quiet and sad, feeling more lonely then he had in years, Remus, knowing the boy too well after all those years, walked up to his room and knocked on the open door. "Hey cub," he said quietly "I know this is hard." he sat next to the boy and patted his back.

"You really don't," he responded "having to look your friends in the eyes and know that the last thing you will ever be able to tell them is going to be a lie." he sighed "I wish I could just forget them," he started to sound more angry then sad "or that I hadn't made friends at all, I mean, how could I be so cruel, vowing to be friends forever when I knew that 'forever' had an expiration date?" Harry burst into painful, rageful, helpless tears.

"You were not cruel Harry," Remus held the boy's hands with his, they were sweating and shaking, he knew this kind of agony, he had seen it on Sirius and himself more times then he could count, "you were brave, you put yourself out there. You didn't sit around waiting for your letter like so many young witches and wizards do, you lived your life and there is nothing cruel about that.". For the first time during that conversation he met Remus' eyes "James and Lily would have been proud of your bravery."

"Thanks renny," Harry wrapped his hands around Remus "I'm never going to have goodbye to you, right?" he was more begging then he was asking, because if anything was certain about Harry James Potter, was that he hated goodbyes.

"Never cub, never!" he knew what it felt like, to look someone he loved in the eyes and lie.

**\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

It was no later than noon when they arrived at Harry favourite restaurant and they didn't have to wait long for his friends to arrive. The first ones there were Olivia and Noah, they were twins, Harry had met the girl when he was four and the had been inseparable ever since, the boy was transferred from boarding school when they were 6, his dad had sent him away so he would learn to be a "proper boy", but after the divorce his mum brought him back home.

A few minutes later Robin arrived followed closely by Theo, the first was like a brother to Harry, they had met only a couple years before, but it felt like forever, the other was a lot more than that. They all sat at the table, quietly at first, like the silence was a glass and if it was broken it's pieces would cut troughs their hearts, but once the talking started, no one could stop it. "Well I'm starving" Olivia stated.

"When aren't you?" her brother replied jokingly and Sirius smiled at the sight of his kid's joy. 

The chatter was loud and the other table glared over a few time, but no one seemed to notice, it was like the food transported itself into their stomachs, because even after it arrived there not a moment of silence. Harry was especially excited, for a moment he actually forgot that it was a goodbye, but it didn't last long, a couple hours later, when the parents went to pick up their kids it all came rushing back, like a wave. The twins' mum made a point to ask repeatedly if Harry actually wanted to that far off Scottish or if he was being shipped away. 

Olivia and Noah hugged him together, "I'll miss you glasses," said the girl "don't go and forget all about us."

"We'll see you next summer." the boy smiled, Harry nodded.

Robin came from behind him, they watched the twins and their mum closed the door as they left "We're not gonna see you next summer, are we?" he asked Harry who raised an eyebrow apologetic "I don't get why you didn't tell us about this school before." he was almost suspicious.

"I'm sorry..." Harry started, but before he could finish his friend held him tight and left without looking back.

Theo was last, but Harry didn't know how to say goodbye to him, so they stood in front of each other for a little too long. He looked at the other boy, a few centimetres taller, brown eyes, brown hair and the brightest smile Harry had ever seen. "I thought it was going to be forever" the boy said, he looked down, and started picking at his sleeve "but" he continue, looking back up and noticeably hating the silence "we had a good time".

"Yeah," Harry replied, too aware of every part of his body "I guess we did... I'm sorry I lied." he looked down, in his mind Harry creaked the floor open and fell in, because disappearing seemed better then saying goodbye, instead a wine bottle blew up a few tables down and caused a commotion to which neither of them paid attention.

"See you around Harry" Theo pulled him into a embrace and Harry let himself enjoy it, his head was overcrowded with all the things he wanted to say, yet, none of them seem able to leave his mind. He searched in his brain for excuses and lies he could use to keep seeing his friend after starting his studies at Hogwarts, ways he could explain why he had no idea what had been happening in the world or how he would rip the magic out of all his experiences so he could share them with him, but he realised that that was why he shouldn't do it, because it would all be a lie, it was easier never seeing him again.

"Goodbye." As the boy left, only one thing was certain, if Harry had known what he was protecting his friends from, saying goodbye would have been much easier.


	10. 1st of September 1991

_"We take the road less travelled, we fight to learn, to dismantle, to unravel and that will make all the difference"- Olympia Miccio_

The past month had felt like an eternity, Harry had been counting the days until the train ride to Hogwarts since he got his letter and he couldn't believe it had finally arrived. The only thing that diverged from ideal was that he couldn't be there with all his family, only Sirius was taking him to the King's Cross station that morning, Remus had stayed behind for two major reasons: 1. The night before had been a full moon, so he was ill and injured; 2. It would be perceived as rather odd to take your godchild to their first day of magical school accompanied by your childhood "best friend".

Harry was very expressive when saying he wanted to use the muggle entrance to the platform 9 3/4, Sirius didn't understand the reasoning behind it, but the boy insisted and he gave in. However it wasn't until they were both standing in the middle of a muggle filled King's Cross station that it hit Sirius he had no idea how to about finding the magical platform,

"What now?" Harry asked, putting his fingers through his owl's cage to pet it.

"Good question lad." Sirius looked a mixture of fascinated, confused and optimistic that made the boy wonder whether or not his godfather was joking.

"You could've asked Renny, didn't he use this entrance when you were in school?" he crossed his arms against his chest and Hedwig gave an petty hoot.

"I didn't think of that" Sirius smiled, Harry rolled his eyes unsurprised and started to pushing his luggage around trying to find anything that seemed out of place. 

Eventually they ran into a large group of very loud redheaded wizards near platforms nine and ten "Okay Percy, you go first" said a witch in the group, she was short and looked like a kind yet fierce woman, the kids, probably her kids, stood quietly as one of the boys ran towards the barrier between the platforms and disappeared, they were Weasleys, Harry thought, he had studied about pureblood families and would recognise them anywhere, **"Fred, you next."** said the woman.

**"I'm not Fred, I'm George," said the boy. "Honestly, woman, you callyourself our mother? Can't you tell I'm George?"**

**"Sorry, George, dear."**

**"Only joking, I am Fred,"** the woman attempted to slap the boy's arm, but both him and his twin brother had vanished into the wall before she got the chance.

"Excuse me," Harry said, Sirius gestured behind him trying to stop the boy, but it was too late, Mrs. Weasley was already looking at him with caring eyes "can you tell me how to go through? You see, my godfather never used the muggle entrance when he was at Hogwarts." Black closed his eyes and tried to pretend he wasn't there while his godson was speaking, but the woman looked at him and he gave her a very uncomfortable smile and wave.

For a few seconds Harry wondered if they knew each other, but Mrs. Weasley turned around and proceed to explain to him that one of her sons was also a first year, - Ron, she called him - and said all he had to do was run into the barriend between the two platforms, Sirius made raised his eyebrows and Harry recognized the expression as the one he made when he was pretending to pay attention to something he wasn't actually interested in and rolled his eyes to his godfather's arrogance in his mind. The woman gave them passage and Sirius thanked her in his most aristocratic manner, it was a talent he had, to sound a mixture of arrogant and extremely polite.

"I should go back to Remus" Sirius whispered as soon as he had taken Harry to hand over his luggage, he had set his owl free and turned in only it's cage. "Will you be alright lad?" the boy nodded "Okay then, don't behave too much, but don't go getting expelled in your first year yeah?"

"I'm not you papa" they laughed, Sirius hugged him goodbye and headed apparated away. 

Harry saw himself alone in the middle of the platform he felt overwhelmed and at home, scared and safe, lost and belonging. It was the weirdest mix of sensations he had ever experienced and he was someone who felt mixed emotion for as long as he could remember. Once, when he was 8 and was spending the month with his muggle relatives, his cousin Dudley tripped on loose carpet and fell down the stairs right after shoving Harry against a wall, his aunt an uncle took Dudley to the hospital and left Harry all alone. He felt guilty, he never meant to hurt his cousin -scare him? always, but never hurt him - yet, a part of Harry's mind was satisfied, telling him he deserved it, he told Remus about it when he got home later that week, but his reaction warned him that it wasn't something everyone experienced so he never mentioned it again. The feeling at the platform and walking into the train wasn't quite the same, it wasn't scary like it had been at his relative's house, it didn't feel like they were coming from two different people, it was all Harry. 

The Weasley were talking outside the train and Harry watched them through the window, apart from the mother there were 4 boys and one little girl, who held firmly her mother's hand. The platform started to become more and more empty as the students boarded and their families left, Harry was distracted by the Malfoy boy he had met at the Diagon Alley, his mother fixed his clothes compulsively, his father was speaking to him, but made no eye contact and seem very unpleased, but a nervous voice stole his attention.

"Excuse me, do you mind?" the boy was redhead, freckled and lanky, his back was curved, as if was trying to occupy less space. "Everywhere else is full."

"Not at all" Harry responded and the boy seemed surprise at his willingness to have him as company

"I'm Ron by the way, Ron Weasley"

"I know" Ron raised an eyebrow "we met outside the platform" he smiled, glad the other boy had remembered him in particular "I'm Harry, Harry Potter." Ron ment to comment, but the train started moving, the conversation eventually circulled back to Harry's scar, which he didn't like to talk about very much. They both looked out the window a lot, watching England disappear behind them and thus, a hero's journey begins.


	11. 2nd of September 1991

_"Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place." - Raymond Holt_

**Hogwarts, Scotland - 2:00 am**

Harry sat quietly in the Gryffindor common room, he looked around taking in every detail his eyes could assimilate and holding his old stuffed wolf in his arms. Meanwhile his brain drifted between his concerns about Remus and his attempts at painting a scene of his parents, a few too many years before, sitting exactly where he was sitting then. As he tried to imagine their laugh Harry realised that he didn't know what his parents voices sounded like and the thought felt like hex pushing down his insides.

He didn't know how long he had been lost in his own thoughts when the sound of footsteps started to echo in the room. He turned his head to see a girl walking toward him, she sat on the floor in silence. 

"Homesick?" He looked at the dark brown skin and black curly hair that framed her face like a mane and didn't feel odd with his own untamed curls.

"No," she answered, they had met on train hours earlier, her name was Hermione, he recalled, she had an intelligence and arrogance that hit him as quite familiar, if someone had told him the she was raised by Remus and Sirius he would have believed it "just overwhelmed, you?".  
Harry didn't know what to say, so he shrugged. They both allowed the room to fall back in silence.

"I miss my friends" Harry knew she was muggleborn and had probably gone to a muggle school too "it hurts knowing I'll never see them again".

"Why not?" he'd though that was somethingshe could relate to and was rather surprised when Hermione seemed confused, she most likely though to write to her friends and spend some time together over Christmas and summer.

"I just don't want to have to lie to them, so I rather just say goodbye".

"Oh..." She smiled kindly, tho Harry was able to catch a glimpse of sadness in her eyes, a realisation that he might be right "Maybe talking about them will help". 

"Sure!" he though for a second before continuing, trying to figure out what to tell her "So, there was Noah and Olivia, who were twins. I met Ollie when I was four and Noah a few years later. Robin was the oldest of all of us, he was the funniest too, but my closest friend was Theo." Harry smiled at the name without thinking and hoped Hermione hadn't notice "He knew me the best, we used to sit in his bedroom for hours playing video games or reading..." Harry tried not to sound to hurt "well I was reading, he was playing around with his football, which I wasn't much a fan of. I prefer Quidditch".

"Harry, right?!" he nodded "Did you..." Hermione hesitated, a awkward sympathetic smile painted on her face, he notice where the conversation was going and his heart skipped a beat "Did you fancy him?"

He took a deep breath meaning to speak, but changed his mind, so he just smiled and they both watched the fire for a while until he decided to go to bed. 

Harry got up slowly, fixing his pyjamas and put his hands into the pockets once he was up he stretched, yawned quietly, took out his glasses to wipe the water that ran down his eyes and put them on again.

"Good night, Hemione" he made a point to say her name, so she would know he remembered too.

"Good night" she was still watching the fire.

"I'm bisexual" he was already in the first step of the staircase when he stopped to tell, he didn't even know why he did it.

"Okay." She looked at him and nodded. 

**\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**12 Grimmauld Place, England - 8 am**

"I can't believe it's been then years" Sirius laid in bed staring thoughtfully at the selling, Remus' fingers running softly over the tattoos on his chest "It feels like only few weeks ago Prongs and Lily were asking us to be his godfathers and now--" they were quiet for a while, caressing each other lovingly.

"Pads?"

"Yes"

"It'll be 23 years soon" he looked at his boyfriend's eyes with a enamored smile "we've been together for more then half of our lives."

"And I wouldn't have it any other way!" he smiled back, moving Remus' hair away from his face and tracing one of his scars with his thumb "I mean, Merlin, I never thought it was possible to love someone as much as I love you, Moony!"

"I love you too, Padfoot"

Remus' reached for his partner's lips and kissed them, at first it was delicate and soft, but as they both grew hotter, the kiss became more passionate and urgent. Their hands and lips navigated the so familiar territory as their bodies clicked, as if they were made to hold each other. That morning they danced tireless without music, because they could never get enough of their burning, long lasting passion.

**12 Grimmauld Place, England - 3 pm**

"Do you reckon Snape knew Harry was starting Hogwarts this year?" Sirius combed Remus' hair with his fingers as the younger man flipped vigorously trough the pages of a book, Padfoot sat on the floor, his back against the couch and Moony's head on his lap.

"What prompted that question?" He closed his book with his fingers in between the pages he was reading, Sirius shrugged "I would imagine he knew... I only hope Harry is better then me at Potions"

"That's not hard!"

"Oi!" Remus sat up quickly and hit Sirius arm with the book.

"Ouch" he moved away jokingly.

"How do you figure his first class with Snivellus will be like?" he was still laughing as he asked.

"I'm not sure, but I hope he writes us about it, I think I'd rather have classes with Sluggy... Do you reckon they'll ever replace bins?"

"Great Godric, is this what we've become, the parents who live vicariously trough their children's experiences?" as the conversation flowed he'd started play with the rings in Sirius' fingers.

"Isn't that what you do in your books tho? Live vicariously trough the characters?"

"That is entirely different! We need to get a hobby... or a job."

"I am not getting a job and _I_ have a hobby" it was true, he had spent the past decade or so trying to fix their home, remove curses, evil paintings and burnt tapestry, Remus did enjoy the changes, but he preferred to do something else with his time.

When the day got to an end, they had realised how much of their time was taken up by Harry and how little they had to do now that the boy would be gone for several months, after all, it had been 10 years.


	12. 6th of September 1991

_"You're only resorting to physical abuse because you can't prove that I'm wrong." – Armin Arlert_

**"What have we got today?" Harry asked Ron as he poured sugar on his porridge.** He had enjoy his lessons so far, tho he hadn't heard many things he didn't already know due to Remus insistent requests that he reed his books before terms started.

 **"Double Potions with the Slytherins," said Ron. "Snape's Head of Slytherin House. They say he always favours them — we'll be able to see if it's true."** he didn't look very happy, as if he was already certain that the rumours regarding the professor's posture were true. 

**"Wish McGonagall favoured us," said Harry. Professor McGonagall washead of Gryffindor House, but it hadn't stopped her from giving them a huge pile of homework the day before** , tho Harry didn't mind much, growing up with an animagus he had learn quite a bit about the subject and was fairly certain he wouldn't have much trouble with his work. The same couldn't be said about Ron, who seemed utterly terrified in all of their lessons so far, as if he had never heard of magic before, tho he had beat Harry in two chess games already that week.

As it had happened everyday before, a fuss took over the Great Hall when the mail started to arrive, he had gotten a copy of the Daily Prophet with his name in the cover _"Harry Potter goes to Hogwarts by Rita Skitter"_ to which he rolled his eyes. Apart from that he received two letters, one carried Sirius' clear and fancy handwriting, it reed:

_"Hello cub,_

_We hope your first week is going well, write us as soon as you can, I can't wait to hear about how things have been so far, what house were you sorted into, how was your class with Snivellus and which subject you like the best (tho the last bit is to satisfy somebody else's curiosity)._

_Have set off any dungbombs yet? Pranked any snakes? Got any detention?_

_Waiting eagerly and with love,_

_Sirius and Remus_

_Ps: Don't tell Moony about the cloak I put in the bottom of your trunk, but it was your dad's and I figured it was time you had it."_

The other had **a very untidy scrawl** and was sealed with the Hogwarts crest: 

**_"Dear Harry,_ **

**_I know you get Friday afternoons off, so would you like to come and have a cup of tea with me around three? I want to hear all about your first week._ **

**_Send us an answer back with Hedwig._ **

**_Hagrid."_ **

He made a mental note to write back to Hagrid as soon as he was done with breakfast and to his family that night after classes. **At the start-of-term banquet,** he'd **gotten the** impression **that Professor Snape disliked him** , which didn't surprised him in at all, having grown up hearing all these stories about his dad's time in school and the Marauders' relationship the now professor. Tho **by the end of the first Potions lesson, he** realised **he'd been wrong. Snape didn't dislike Harry — he hated him.**

 **Potions lessons took place down in one of the dungeons. It was colder than up in the main castle and would have been creepy enough without the pickled animals floating in glass jars all around the walls. Snape, like Flitwick, started the class by taking the roll call, and like Flitwick, he paused at Harry's name."Ah, yes," he said,** directing his inexpressive eyes towards Harry's **"Harry Potter. Our new — celebrity."** In only a few seconds of knowing him the boy had noticed that his professor made odd pauses in his sentences.

 **Draco Malfoy** , who Harry had met a while back at Madam Malkin's, **and his friends Crabbe and Goyle sniggered behind their hands** , they had been extremely rude in the first day of term and mocked Ron in a twisted attempt to get Harry's friendship and as much as it took no effort to dislike Crabbe and Goyle, he still hadn't manage to despise the blonde boy as much as he thought he should.

 **Snape finished calling the names and looked up at the class. His eyes were black like Hagrid's, but they had none of** the **warmth. They were cold and empty and** reminded Harry of darkness, he thought it was like falling down a bottomless pit **.**

 **"You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion-making,"he began.** His voice was **barely** above **a whisper, but they caught every word —** Snape shared Professor McGonagall's gift of keep the class quiet with out an effort, but the silence didn't come from respect, it came from fear **. "As there is little foolish wand-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is**.... **magic. I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron**.... **with it's shimmering fumes, the delicate**.... **power of liquids that creep through human veins,bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses. . . . I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper**.... **death — if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach."**

 **More silence followed this little speech. Harry and Ron exchanged looks** the red headed boy raised his eyebrows fearfully and he tried not to laugh at the professor's unnecessary dramatic pauses **. Hermione Granger was on the edge of her seat** looking **desperate to start proving that she wasn't a dunderhead.**

**"Potter!" said Snape suddenly. "What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"**

"A sleeping potion," he responded quickly, much to Snape's annoyance "more specifically Draught of the Living Dead." Harry didn't smile, he knew what was happening and was going to show his arrogant professor that he wasn't to be trifled with.

 **"** Well, that is quite.... easy, **let's try again. Potter, where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?"**

"The stomach of a goat," he desperately wanted to smile to show his satisfaction, but he remained inexpressive "it can be used as an antidote for most poisons." 

**"What is the difference, Potter, between monkshood and wolfs bane?"** he knew that question was an attempt to provoke, to get a rise of the boy. Harry taken aback for a second before responded, but he didn't think anyone, but Snape had noticed.

"They are the same, also know as aconite. It's a plant, poisonous to wolfs and dogs, harmless to humans, one of it's most common uses is the wolfsbane potion, which helps werewolves keep control of their mind during a full moon." he said it all in one breath.

 **"Well? Why aren't you all** writing **that down?"** Snape looked up trying to hide the frustration regarding his failed attempt to humiliate the boy. **There was a sudden rummaging for quills and parchment,** he kept talking over the noise **"And a point will be taken from Gryffindor House for your** petulant attitude **, Potter."**

Harry didn't know what to do with that, he had done nothing more then answering the question Snape had asked him, but he said nothing to his professor about it. As the class went on, he was paired with a boy Neville, who was also his roommate, for that day's assignment and had stopped their cauldron from exploding a few times much the boy's appreciation as he was already terrified the Potions Master without needing direct confrontation.

He went to Hagrid's for tea that afternoon and once he arrived at his dorm he wrote back to his family.

_"Hey papa, hey renny,_

_I'm a Gryffindor, hope you're proud. My favourite subject so far is Transfiguration, but only because our DADA teacher gives me the chills, I don't really know why, but I've got a bad feeling about him._

_I have not gotten detention yet, but Snape took a house point from me for answering his questions correctly. You were right, he is a git and I wanted to charm all the grease out of his hair since day one (hasn't the man heard of shampoo?)._

_I did sneak a few dungbombs under the staff table during dinner, Ron's older brother's found quite amusing and I'm pretty sure Dumbledore laughed too, tho none of the teacher seemed able to find humour in it._

_How are you? Is renny well? I'll write again soon._

_Much love and chocolate frogs,_

_Harry."_

He took the opportunity to use his dad's invisibility cloak and sneaked out after hours to the Owlery , he tied his letter to Hedwig's leg and watched her fly way for a few minutes before going back to his room.


	13. 1st Year Correspondence

_Stand up for what you believe in, even if it means standing alone." - Anon_

**September ,1991**

_"Hello cub,_

_How are you doing? I'm well! We were glad to hear you were sorted into Gryffindor. And don't worry about Quirrell, he's a bit odd, but he is harmless._ _I can't believe Severus is picking on you already._

_On another note, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm afraid there has been an attack in the muggle school you went to. The non magical authorities are clamming it was a terrorist attack, but a friend of mine in the Auror's Department said they are investigating a Death Eater strike. Many people were hurt, but no one died._

_I took the liberty of contacting your muggle friends and they are all well._

_Much love,_

_Remus."_

_*_

_"Hey Moony,_

_I'm glad to hear no one died. I hope everyone who got hurt gets better soon._

_I'm well, school has been nice. I have two new friends, Hermione Granger, she the smartest in our year a she knows it, so she is a bit arrogant, she is a muggleborn like my mum; then there is Ron Weasley, papa and I met him at the station, he isn't the best with school, but he's beaten me in chess quite a few time already._

_I'm the new seeker for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, which has been great so far._ _Oliver Wood, our captain, is quite obsessed with quidditch, it kinda reminds me of what you and papa said my dad was like. McGonagall says I'm the youngest seeker in the century._

_Draco Malfoy (the boy I met at Madam Malkins this summer) wasn't happy about it, he is great git and I keep caching him lurking outside the quidditch pitch after practice. I think he might be stalking me._

_Love,_

Harry"

*

_"Harry!!!!_

_You can't imagine how happy we were to hear you made the house team, we want to know all about your games. And yes it sounds like your dad would have gotten along with this Oliver fellow._ _Regarding the Malfoy kid, maybe you should pull a prank on him, a dungbomb or some interesting transfiguration work on his hair._

_We're also glad to hear that you've made friends, we do hope you don't have any too annoying roommates._

_Wishing you golden snitches and sending a lot of love,_

_Remus and Sirius."_

**October, 1991**

_"Hey Moony and Pads,_

_Quidditch has been fun, but we've had a lot of homework from all of the teachers._

_I've lost track of how many times I've gotten lost, this castle is too big and stairs are driving me insane, tho I did memorise the fake step and I haven't fallen in it since the third week._

_I wish you were here with Halloween right around the corner, Nearly Headless Nick did invited me and my friends to his deathday party, so I guess now I have to go._

_How's renny_ _?_

_With love and lions,_

_Harry."_

_*_

_"Hey lad,_

_Renny is well. Nick's party sounds like quite the event, we've never been invited to one tho. Halloween is a tough time, but we'll be with you in spirit._

_Have you pranked the blonde git yet_ _? We (and by that you can understand "Sirius") are eager to hear about it._

_Have you been doing your homework_ _? (by Remus)_

_When is your first game and who are you playing_ _? (By Sirius)_

_Wishing loads of sweets,_

_Moony and Padfoot."_

_*_

_"Hey,_

_First game is right after Halloween, against the snakes._

_Yes renny I have done all of my homework and no papa I haven't pranked Malfoy yet. Oliver has us practising like crazy and I don't have time to do much._

_Love,_

_Harry"_

**November, 1991**

_"Hello,_

_There is a lot of news!_

_Nick's party was interesting to say the least, I definitely wouldn't call it fun, Halloween was eventful tho, there was a troll in the dungeons that ended up going to the girl's lavatory. Ron, Hermione and I faced it and won, we got 5 house points for it._

_McGonagall gave me a Nimbus 2001!_ _  
_

_My first game wasn't boring either, someone cursed my broom and I almost fell off, Hermione thinks it was Snape, she set fire to his robes, people are saying it was quite funny (I think he is up to something, but I'm sure what just yet). We did win the game, I caught the snitch with my mouth and almost swallowed it._

_Something is going on at the school, I think there is something hidden underneath it. Hagrid said the day I saw him at the Diagon Ally he was picking something up from Gringotts for Dumbledore, maybe that's what they're hiding underneath the three headed dog (yes, there is a three headed dog in the school, it's huge)._

_There is more to it, but can't write here, I'll tell when I get home for the holidays._

_From a very busy,_

_Harry."_

_*_

_"Dear Harry,_

_I know Snape is not your biggest fan, but I don't think he would try to kill you and Sirius agrees tho we would have loved to see him with robes on fire._ _We are happy you won the game and didn't choke on the snitch. Nice one with the new broom too._

_Hogwarts has many secrets, I wouldn't dwell too much on it. I can't help, but think you shouldn't have fought that troll, but I'm also incredibly proud you won, Sirius has being calling you a hero non stop since we've reed you letter._

_We're sorry we didn't talk to you about this sooner, but we think is best if you stay at school for the break, I have I feeling I'm going to be sick. We can talk over floo if you want._

_With a lot of happy and congratulatory love,_

_Remus."_

*

**December,** **1991**

_"Hey there,_

_I'm sorry I haven't replied sooner, I got caught up with some things, there is not need for a floo call, everything is fine... I think. Tho I still think Snape is up to something._

_I'll miss you over the holidays, it will be my first without you. I won't be alone tho, Ron is staying too, his family went to visit his brother Charlie in Romania_ _._

_On another note, do know who is Nicolas Flamel_ _?_

_Merry Christmas,_

_Harry"_

_*_

_"Hello Harry,_

_I'm glad to hear all is well, Remus is still recovering, but I'm sure he'll be happy too. Moony misses you a lot. We've both did, specially over Christmas._

_Snivelly is always up to something, don't stress over it._

_I hope you and Weasley had fun. Did you like your presents_ _?_

_I've never heard of Nicolas Flamel, but I'll ask Remus when gets better._

_Merry Christmas,_

_Sirius."_

*

_"Hey..._

_Draco Malfoy is a bleached haired git and I want to hex him bald!_ _He told McGonagall me, Neville and Hermione were out of bed after curfew and the four of us got detention, such a snitch! Gryffindor lost 150 house points, Slytherin lost 50._

_I loved the Christmas gifts, thanks._

_Hagrid has a dragon!_

_Love,_

_Harry"_

_*_

_"Dear Harry_

_I don't know why you're interested in this, but Nicolas Flamel is a 600 year old alchemist. He is the owner of the Philosophiser's Stone which produces an elixir that makes who drinks it immortal and can turn any metal into gold._

_Sirius says you should go on with the bald snake idea, but I think he's **not worth another detention!**_

_Of course Hagrid has a Dragon!"_

_Happy new year,_

_Remus"_

**Janurary, 1992**

_"Hey,_

_Thanks for the information on Flamel, I saw his name in Dumbledore chocolate frog card and got curious, but I ended up finding the information on a book from the library and by that I mean Hermione found it._

_Hagrid had to send his dragon Norbert to Romania, because Malfoy saw it and we were afraid he'd turn him over to the Ministry, so now Ron's brother is taking care of it._

_I had detention in the Forbidden Forest, it was creepy. Malfoy was scared out of his mind and ran away. Something killed a unicorn and I met a centaur named Firenze._

_Happy new year,_

_Harry"_

_*_

_"Hello cub,_

_I guess you can't say you've had a boring year, then again Hogwarts is never boring._

_I don't think I've ever had detention in the Forest, hope you didn't come across anything too dangerous, tho centaurs are very weird. Whatever killed that unicorn, stay away from it._

_Did you hex Malfoy bald_ _?_

_Love,_

_Sirius"_

**February, 1992**

_"Hello lad,_

_We haven't head from you in while, I hope you're doing okay. Write us when you can._

_Love,_

_Remus and Sirius"_

*

_"Hey Harry,_

_How are you_ _? How is the quidditch cup_ _? How is school_ _?_

_Sirius"_

**March, 1992**

_"Dear Harry,_

_I know you're probably busy with you finals and other school related things, but I'd love to hear from you._

_Remus"_

*

_"Dear Mr. Weasley,_

_I'm aware that you are friends with my godson Harry and I haven't heard from him since new year, can you tell him to write to me_ _?_

_Thank you,_

_Sirius O. Black"_

**April, 1992**

_"Dear Harry,_

_We were starting to worry, so we wrote to Dumbledore, who said you were fine. Why haven't you written to was_ _? Did something happen_ _? Are you upset_ _? Did we do something wrong_ _?_

_Worryingly,_

_Remus and Sirius"_

**May, 1992**

_"Dear Mr. Lupin and Mr. Black,_

_Due to an unfortunate incident Harry has been injured and is currently unconscious in the Hospital Wing, feel free to floo to my office if you wish to see him and we can talk about what happened. I'm sure he would love to see you._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore."_


	14. 15th of May 1992

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AN: Canonically (in the book) Harry doesn't actually kill Quirrell, he goes to St. Mungus with some very ugly blisters(?) and then he goes to Azkaban, but for the sake of this story he does kill the professor.

_"To surpass monsters, you must be willing to abandon your humanity." – Armin Arlert_

Harry felt the weight of his body pulling him down, trying sink him in... he wasn't quite sure where he was. He had to blink a few times to before the image was clear enough, he reached for his glasses and saw Dumbledore come into focus beside him.

 **"Good afternoon, Harry,"** he **said.** **Harry stared at him, then he remembered.**

**"Sir! The Stone! It was Quirrell! He's got the Stone! Sir, quick —"**

**"Calm yourself, dear boy, you are a little behind the times," Dumbledore** 's voice was calm and soothing, Harry allowed himself to relax **.** **"Quirrell does not have the Stone."**

 **"Then who does? Sir, I —"** he stuttered.

 **"Harry, please relax, or Madam Pomfrey will have me thrown out."** he asked **"What happened down in the dungeons between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret,"** he continued **"so, naturally, the whole school knows."** he laughed, as if he had told joke inside his head **" I believe your friends** Mr. **Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat."** Dumbledore nodded towards a pile of gifts next to Harry's bed **"No doubt they thought it would amuse you. Madam Pomfrey, however, felt it might not be very hygienic and confiscated it."**

 **"How long have I been in here?"** he paid no attention to pile of sweets and flowers next to him he had bigger question lingering in his mind.

 **"Three days.** your family dn your friends, **Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger, will be most relieved you have come round, they have been extremely worried."**

 **"But sir, the Stone —"** his thoughts and feelings flooded his and he didn't know what to do with them, a little voice whispered in the back of his head, but he couldn't figure out what it was saying.

 **"I see you are not to be distracted."** Dumbledore sighed **"Very well, the Stone. Professor Quirrell did not manage to take it from you.** When **I arrived** you had already **prevent** ed **that, you** did **very well on your own, I must say."  
**

 **"You got there? You got Hermione's owl?"** Harry was trying to organise his thoughts and sounded confused.

**"We must have crossed in midair. No sooner had I reached London than it became clear to me that the place I should be was the one I had just left.** **As for the Stone, it has been destroyed."**

**"Destroyed?" said Harry** he hadn't yet met Dumbledore's eyes, he was looking out the window across from him, looking for something, but he wasn't quite sure what it was. **"But your friend, Nicolas Flamel"**

 **"Oh, you know about Nicolas?" Dumbledore sound** ed **quite delighted. "You did do the thing properly, didn't you? Well, Nicolas and I have had a little chat, and agreed it's all for the best."**

**"But that means he and his wife will die, won't they?"**

**"They have enough Elixir stored to set their affairs in order and then, yes, they will die." Dumbledore smiled at the look of amazement on Harry's face.**

"Sir, do you reckon Voldemort can find another way to come back? Now that the stone is gone?" Dumbledore's expression changed quickly.

"I'm afraid so Harry."

"Why does Voldemort want to kill me?" Harry had began organising his thoughts and questions.

"I cannot tell you this just yet, but one day you will undoubtedly find out."

"Quirrell said Sniv-- Professor Snape hates me because he hated my father, but they were kids. What could my father have done that was so unforgivable?" The little voice in Harry's head was getting louder as his questions were being answered, but he still couldn't understand what it said.

"Your father saved his life and I believe he felt in debt."

 **"How did I get the stone out of the mirror?"** The voice was familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

 **"Ah, now, I'm glad you asked me that. It was one of my more brilliant ideas, and between you and me, that's saying something. You see, only one who wanted to find the Stone — find it, but not use it — would be able to get it, otherwise they'd just see themselves making gold or drinking Elixir of Life. My brain surprises even me sometimes."** Dumbledore seemed to be entertaining himself, but Harry's head was spinning faster by the second.

**"Why couldn't Quirrell touch me?"**

**"Your mother died to save you.** Voldemort **didn't realise that love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves it's own mark. Not a scar** like the one he left on you. **To have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will protect** us **forever. Quirrell, full of hatred, greed and** fear **, sharing his soul with Voldemort, could not touch you for this reason. It was agony to touch a person marked by something so good."** Harry was finally able to understand the voice, it was Voldemort's.

_"You pride yourself in being a hero, but your hands have blood like mine, killer. You pride yourself--"_

"Sir," his voice sounded urgent, he wasn't sure if what the voice was saying was true "Quirrell, is he-- did I kill him?" he felt his voice shaking.

"You did Harry, I'm afraid you did."

Harry was going to say something, but Madam Pomfry intruded, she wasn't a very tall woman, the way she walked and talked seemed very motherly to the boy, tho she was also a very strict woman, it reminded Harry of how Ron had described his own mum.

"Albus, they really want to see him." she whispered pointlessly, because it seemed rather obvious that he could still hear them.

"Of course" Dumbledore and Madam Pomfry left and Harry saw Remus and Sirius walking in.

"Are you alright cub?" he nodded, Moony sighed "Why didn't you tell us? That you saw Voldemort, that the stone was here, that someone was trying to steal it?" it didn't sound accusatory, he was truly interested in listening to Harry, but the boy just shrugged, his mind kept circling back to three days before, when he had killed someone, would he be sent to Azakaban? Did no one care he was a murderer?

"You said everything was fine," Sirius sounded a mixture of angry and hurt "why did you lie to us?"

"I killed him." Both man looked at him, surprised and confused. "I killed Quirrell." In the moment he started crying compulsively, tears ran down his face like flood, he knew Quirrell wasn't innocent, that he had try to kill him in more then one occasion, but it didn't matter, he was human, a person, a live and Harry had ended it.

He didn't know it yet, but the guilt would pass. He would eventually understand that something changed that night, not just inside himself, but in the entire wizarding society, maybe Dumbledore already knew, or maybe not even he did, but there was a new war brewing and Harry would end it the same way he had started it. By taking a live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Canonically (in the book) Harry doesn't actually kill Quirrell, he goes to St. Mungus with some very ugly blisters(?) and then he goes to Azkaban, but for the sake of this story he does kill the professor.


	15. 27th of June 1992

_"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." - Harvey Fierstein_

Harry grew to dislike his month with the Dursleys even more when he realised it meant he would get to see his family much less and the traumatic end of his first Hogwarts year didn't make the start of his summer any better.

He had nightmares whenever he was asleep, he dreamed of the formless wizard flying trough his chest and his professor's body coming apart in his hands, _"murderer_ ", Voldemort's voice echoed in his mind. He wondered if he was right, if was really no better then the man who stole his parents from him. Was that the reason Ron and Hermione hadn't written to him since the end of term?

The back door flew open and his aunt got up angrily to close it, he was pulled back to the present afraid his relatives would noticed the wind was caused by his unsettling nerves. Dudley stole a piece of sausage from his plate, but he pretended not to see it, too preoccupied, with his thought still half lingering on his friends.

"Devilish creature," Vernon spat as Hedwig hooted again "make it quiet boy."

"She would be quiet if you let me open her cage," Harry looked annoyed and defiant "she's an animal not a soft toy you know?!" 

"How dare you speak to us in such insubordinate manner?" Petunia slammed her hand on the table and stood up "We take you in to protect you from that dreadful world your mother--"

"Don't you ever speak of my mother," Harry got up too, his blood boiling from anger "she's done more for me in a year then you'll ever do for this pathetic child of yours." Dudley looked up from his plate offended "And let's not pretend for a second that you're doing this for me, I'm not stupid! The only people you're trying to protect is the troll you have for a husband and the bully you have for a son, you couldn't care less if I had dropped dead with my mother in that house." 

Harry left the dinning room in silence, ignoring his Uncle's screams in protest, and walked up to his room. Hedwig hooted desperately and he wished there was something he could do about it, but Vernon had hidden the key to her cage and he if he used his wand in the middle of a fully muggle neighbourhood he would be caught.

Vernon and Petunia had him locked up in his room for the rest of the week, they'd bring him food sometimes, but there wasn't a pattern, some days he would get breakfast and two days later they'd give him lunch. More then a few times he looked out of the window and calculated what it would take for him to run away, then he remembered the sacrifice his parents had made, if he left and was found by Death Eaters it would all have been for nothing, so he stayed and watched the view instead.

He liked looking up to the sky, he found comfort in watching stars and constellations, Sirius, the biggest point in Canis Major and the Lupus constellation were his favourites, he felt lonely whenever he couldn't find them in the sky. Harry wished his parents were there to provide him comfort and tell him he was loved, but he had to sit alone trying not let himself drown in the silence.

Privet Drive was a quiet street at night, looking out his bedroom window he noticed very few houses seemed to be awake. Sometimes, when he woke up in the middle of the night he could see a cat lurking around his house, he noticed it was the same one and wondered if it belonged to someone in the neighbourhood, but after spotting it in one particularly well illuminated night he was certain the feline was, in fact, his transfiguration professor, Minerva McGonagall.

He didn't know why she was watching him, maybe she didn't trust the Dursleys and she was right not to. He wished he could go out and talk to her, or let his relatives know she was there, waiting for an opportunity to come in and hex them all, but the reality was that he didn't know that she was. His thoughts about the professor quickly interrupted when his eyes caught a glimpse of the full moon lingering in the sky.

He thought about Sirius and Remus in that dark room, the pain renny was forced to face every month and felt stupid, sitting in his well lit bedroom in the company of his owl and no agony to cut trough his skin or brake his bones. He couldn't shake the pit in his chest, the gut wrenching feeling that he could remedy the suffering of someone he loved and the fluttering desire to do something even though there was nothing to be done.

Harry laid on his bed to the sound of his thoughts, his overwhelming doubts and insecurities hovering like a shadow over his head and running too fast for him to keep up. He begged his mind to quiet down so he could sleep, but they were persistent and determined to keep him up all night. 

Finally he was able to block out the concerns of reality with a wall of dreams and imagination, he created in his head scenario built in his deepest desires. A perfect world with a happy family and great friends, one with out the constant threat of Voldemort and Death Eater, without the abuse of his disgusting Uncle, Aunt and cousin, and without the hate of the world around him, forcing people to hide their rainbows and live in mundane shades of grey. He fell asleep to those images, pretending, only for that night, that they were his real life and that he wouldn't have to wake up in the next morning to the sound of his cousin's obnoxious friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting college tomorrow, so it might take me a while to post again, but I'll try my best. Hope you're enjoying the story.


	16. 25th of August 1992

_"Living this way is my way of getting revenge. I'm going to be living proof that your fate isn't decided at birth!" – Ymir_

As the end of summer vacation approached him, Harry grew quieter. The concerns regarding Ron and Hermione's absolute silence were becoming too overwhelming to bare. He spent most of the day in his room imagining all of the horrible things the other Gryffindors were thinking about him. 

Even his birthday had been awfully uneventful, he'd opened his presents with a sad smile and ate his meals without a word. After full moons he would sit next to the bed in the basement and read Moony stories, but they wouldn't talk and his family became more and more worried. Remus and Sirius had decided to give him space, after all they knew that the past year had given the boy a lot to deal with, but as the day seemed closer in which they would have to see him off to Hogwarts again things changed.

"What's on your mind cub?" Harry was sitting on the floor starring at the living room wall, recollecting memories from the day Sirius had finally managed to take down his family tree tapestry a few years before and Remus' question seemed to pull him back to the present.

"I'm just tired" he didn't at his father, he couldn't look him in the eyes and lie.

"You do nothing but sit in your room all day, that's not tired, that's depressed" Sirius wasn't at all delicate when it came to sensitive topics, he was blunt and thick which made the topic harder to doge without being rude. Remus reprehended him with a glare.

"We should probably go to the Diagon Ally soon, I need my supplies before the term starts next month."

It had been a while since his Hogwarts letter had arrived, but he didn't feel like going out into the wizarding world yet, it his unsettling desire to do so the previous year seemed rather unfathomable after his more recent experiences. When the mail arrived that morning he had been quite surprised, assuming that the murder of one of his professors would earn him a expulsion, he remembered his family making some remark about his new DADA teacher, but he had paid it no mind.

"We can go today if you like" Remus' offer caught him off guard and he got up quickly.

"I have a headache," he scratched his scar, which reminded him of the sound of Voldemort's voice in his head "maybe tomorrow."

**\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Harry liked his room, because it was quiet and warm and he felt safe in it, but most of all he liked that the walls weren't stone, his blinds weren't red and most of his pictures didn't move. He had made a mental note at the end of the previous summer to take those down, photos of the friends he would never see again, but he hadn't gotten around to it yet.

He wondered what would be like to see them after a year, how different they would be from him, the experienced he had that he could never tell them, the lack of war in their eyes, he was unsure if they'd even recognise him, a lot can change in a year. 

_"But at least they would hate me"_ he thought _"because they wouldn't know what --"_ the sound of his own voice whispering in his head was interrupted by thud coming from his wardrobe. Harry heard a mumbling voice coming from inside the furniture and walked towards it, when swung the door open, a little creature fell out. The house elf was the same height as Krecher, but the similarities ended there, his big green eyes had a mix of sweetness and pain to them, his skin was filled with fresh bruises - which the other elf didn't have - and old scars.

"Harry Potter, sir" he got up stumbling and looked at Harry with awe "Dobby is honoured to meet the boy who lived."

"Dobby? Who-- How-- Why--" he couldn't figure out what to say, the whole situation was very unexpected, it wasn't common for house elves to visit other families and he had no idea how he had managed to find under the protection of the Fidelious Charm.

"Sir Dobby comes to warn Harry Potter that he must not return to Hogwarts this year for great danger awaits him" much to the boy's surprise, as soon as he was done with the sentence, the elf's eyes grew wider, he grabbed a book from the lowest shelf and slammed it vigorously on his head.

"Stop it, stop!" he took the book and threw it on his bad "Come on, sit" Dobby seemed in shook from his words, but obeyed them and Harry was becoming a little curious "Who sent you?"

"Oh no, Dobby's master doesn't know he came to warn Harry Potter, sir" he stopped for a second and shot himself out of the bed "If his master finds out he will have Dobby iron his fingers again, he'll be furious. Dobby shouldn't have come, but he needed to tell--" he paced around to room talking to himself for a while before Harry the pile of letters stuck to the elf's back.

"What are those?" he recognised Hermione handwriting in one of them and reached out his hands to grab it. "My friends..." he pushed his glasses up his nose and looked closer, "they wrote to me? You stole m-- How could you? Do you have any idea what I've been thinking the whole summer? How I've been feeling? I thought they hated me, why would you do that?"

"Dobby didn't mean to hurt Harry Potter sir, Dobby thought if Harry Potter didn't hear from his friends he would not return to school." he stumbled back, leaning against the wall as if he tried to make himself as small as possible.

He stood motionless, part of him wanted to yell at Dobby, - the same part that enjoy the magical accidents that hurt his cousin - but he also knew that doing so would change nothing, he mostly wanted to read his letters and write back to his friends.

"You're wasting your time," he turned his back to the elf, ready for his to disappear "I have to go back, specially if something dangerous is going to happen."

With the sound of Dobby's disaparition Harry knew he was finally alone in his room. After sitting on his desk, the boy began to open his letters and devour them, starving for the reassurance that he wasn't the monster that Voldemort's voice had old him he was. 


End file.
